Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: The battle that never quits

It wasn’t always called that. During the Civil War Era, it was called Nostalgia, Soldier’s Heart and even Railroad Spine. All of the terms expressing a part of what PTSD is but not hitting it all. Nostalgia, we tend to think of it as a warm and fuzzy memory, but the definition is more along the line of just a memory and a reaction connected with it, whether good or bad. Soldier’s Heart referred to the cardiac symptoms that come along with the malady. The increased heart rate, the palpitations, mostly caused, we know now, by anxiety. Lastly Railroad spine referred to what was thought to be spinal and even brain injury by the amount of time spent on trains. 

Then came WWI with the term “Shell Shocked.” Another misnomer built on the premise that the constant booming of artillery caused the psychological symptoms. The problem with that was they started noticing the same symptoms in soldiers who weren’t near the heavy artillery. 

Then during WWII, it was called “battle fatigue” which is probably closer, but still lacked the broadness of what PTSD actually is. At that time, it was treated by giving the soldier time away from the battle lines in hopes that the mental issues would go away. The push was always to get them back to the front lines. Couple that with the mentality of the era that men don’t cry. The stage was set for disaster. The number of suicides was astronomical even back then and it was blamed on everything but PTSD. 

Then came Korea and Vietnam. These actions were fought radically differently than either of the previous ones. Land mines were different; it was more difficult to tell who the enemy was. Soldiers were expected to do things they had never been asked to do before. The recreational escapes were different also. In the wars before alcohol was the drug of choice to dull the pain, in Korea and to a greater degree in Vietnam, mind altering drugs were available. The side effects of those drugs were not known and quite likely added to the severity of PTSD. 

PTSD is not only a soldier’s condition. Statistics show that about 4% of men and up to 10% of women suffer from it. So almost everyone can have some manifestation of it. Veterans though make up a huge pool of those whose daily lives are affected by it. 

How does PTSD affect the lives of those who suffer with it, and especially how does it affect the spouses and families of those afflicted? 

One wife I spoke to expressed the fact that going to movies became impossible. To walk into a “dark hole” was just something her husband couldn’t do. When the schools started using the theatre to have school programs, he just couldn’t get past it to see his granddaughters in the programs. He felt bad, but there was no way he could overcome the struggle in his mind. This wife recounted a time when she saw her husband “grey out” a term expressing the reliving of a time long past during the conflict that caused the PTSD. 

“I saw the high schooler come at him (her husband) with a water balloon, and I could see his face go blank. It was the perfect example of ‘the lights were on, but no one was home’. It scared me because I knew he could kill that kid. Thankfully, it didn’t happen, something snapped him back, but he was much more hyper-vigilant after that. It wasn’t that he was afraid that someone would hurt him. It was a constant fear that he might snap and hurt everyone around him.”

All the spouses and family members I spoke to mentioned the reactions to loud unexpected noises. Things like that will make them flinch, jump, or even drop to the ground immediately. One expressed that her husband dropped to the street once because of a loud bang. 

The common threads seem to be structure, knowing what to expect in any given situation, hyper vigilance, and avoidance of crowds. They always seem to want to know where all the exits are in any building they are in and they want to be able to see who is coming and going. 

“When we went out to eat, He would always sit with his back to the wall, and in a place where he could see everyone around him,” said one wife. The fact was echoed by all the others. 

It seemed like most of them want to be able to get away from people and be able to see long distances. This area suits many of them well I was told, because of the wide-open spaces and the ability to drive in the BLM land without seeing a lot of people. Crowds of people are an issue with all of the ones I talked to. The ones with PTSD seem to want to be more secluded and have a line of sight that gave them advance notice when someone was coming their way. 

I was surprised to learn that a couple of them, anyway, didn’t like going to the Doctor for check ups or anything else. One expressed that if they didn’t leave the exam room door open her husbands blood pressure would spike and his breathing would speed up. 

Bad dreams and nightmares, it seems are an integral part of a soldier’s PTSD. When they go to sleep, they relax and the thoughts come out. One wife got caught in her husband’s embrace when he was trying to keep his plane in the air after being shot down in a dream. Her ribs were nearly cracked before she could get him awakened and get him to turn loose. 

“I learned quickly to not touch him after he was asleep. He would come awake so quickly and always ready to defend himself.  I would go to bed at the same time as he did, so I wouldn’t have to bother him,” she said. “And forget about cuddling in bed. He plain didn’t want to be touched.”

Another wife expressed the fact that after her husband nearly knocked her teeth out. She told him she loved him dearly but wouldn’t sleep with him anymore. 

All these things are what it is like to live with a veteran with PTSD. I know there is more that I haven’t covered. The younger veterans have an even different kind of PTSD. The battles they fight were different where they were stationed and so their reactions here at home are different. No matter what era of war they were in, they all have scars and are fighting battles that we can’t see. Their spouses and families are fighting those battles right along side of them. 

I recently learned of a syndrome called Co-PTSD. It is a condition of hyper-vigilance because the spouse or family try to mitigate the situation to make it safer and more comfortable for the one who has it. 

One wife expressed it like this. “Whenever we enter a restaurant, I immediately scan the room to check out all of the doors, the tables, the booths. I do my best to make sure he will be as comfortable as possible. If friends want to go to a place, we have never been before, I will go alone to check it out. I know what his triggers are and can choose places that are more comfortable and relaxed for him. “

PTSD is not only a syndrome that affects the veteran, but it affects his whole family. I know of one veteran who hit his mother in the face because she walked up behind him and touched him when he didn’t expect it. Things like that make the veteran feel like there is something wrong with them and they can begin to feel like they don’t fit into society. That makes it hard on spouses and families because there are many “normal” family things that the family of a veteran just can’t do. 

Living with PTSD in the life of a veteran is an ongoing battle, in some cases it gets better over time, but not always. In some cases, there will be improvement until an episode is experienced and then the progress is halted and in some cases regression occurs. There are medications that can help and often are needed, but an understanding family and community are of utmost importance. 

Check with your veteran friends and check with their spouses. Many times, the spouses don’t want to talk about what it is like because they don’t want anyone to know that the veteran they are proud of struggles.