Bringing you groans, laughs & eye rolls

By the time you read this in the newspaper, I’ll be in the Washington D.C. area. That is if the Lord is willing and the traffic controllers don’t strike. 

It is currently Sunday night at 11 p.m. and I’m struggling to find a topic to write about. A lot of ideas are bouncing around. None have formed into a cognizant column. So, I’m taking the easy way out and sharing with you some puns and other funny things people have sent me. 

Some will make you groan; some might make you laugh and some you might even admit are clever. Whatever the case ... enjoy. 

“Pre means before. Post means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.”

“The devil whispered in my ear, ‘You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm,’ I whispered back, ‘At least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly from Georgia’”

“Shouldn’t hemorrhoids be called asteroids?”

“Why aren’t dentures called substitooths?”

“I made a playlist for hiking. It has music by Peanuts, the Cranberries and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.” 

“When French people swear, do they say, ‘Pardon my English?’”

“Grilled a chicken last night. She never did tell me why she crossed the road.”

“Books about helium are very uplifting” 

“I like singing in the car but only do so when I’m going in reverse. Yup I’m a backup singer.” 

“The bad thing about telling jokes with sign language is that no one ever hears them.” 

Laugh now because who knows how a week in DC might impact next week’s column.